i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
