OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
