Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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