Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
