I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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