I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
