Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
