He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
