Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
