I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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