He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
