It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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