normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
In other news, I just burned my penis
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
