I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
