Dual....:-)
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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