I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize