I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
