She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
