We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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