90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
