So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
