Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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