I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize