I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
