Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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