So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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