Can i not drive my cunt home
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize