Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
