What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
