I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize