i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
