Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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