Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize