what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
