dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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