like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
