She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
