I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
