her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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