So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
