sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
