Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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