at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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