When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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