I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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