He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
