dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
