Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize