Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
