My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize