I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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