woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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