I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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