and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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