Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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