I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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