pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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