I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
