My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize