I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
