the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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