When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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