So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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