Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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