do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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