jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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