i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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