I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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