You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
