Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
