If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
