so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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