just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
