I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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