my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
