Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
