talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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