i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
