whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
