She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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