Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
