I just pynch a tree in the face
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Drunk is not a location!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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