This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
