party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
