I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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