I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
