I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
