I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
