he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
