I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
