I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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