The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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