That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
