So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
