Will you blow on my dice?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
