Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize