I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
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