Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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