If that was your dad, he is hot
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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