wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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