Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
