Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
bring money and cleavage
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
