Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
