oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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