Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
