I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
