the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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