and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
