there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Randomize
